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bluerthanbluets) wrote2022-03-21 09:29 pm
bluerthanbluets) wrote2022-03-21 09:29 pm
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extended a/n: SPRING OF RADIANT SORROW
ive always wanted to write a love story set against the debilitating despair and impact of the revoln--a consistent preoccupation of my writing irl. its super hard, and there are 2 stories in my thesis that attempted this, tho in the end it segued into something else, such as motherhood, such as solidarity. not sure what sort of demon got into me, or maybe i just ended up listening to my friends who kept telling me to write something similar to my work in the academe into my rpf. at first i was like, no thats gonna be so weird!! and then this sort of just happened and it kept unfolding and unspooling in my gdoc and it wasnt until i was writing the fifth section, the actual uprising, that i realized the challenge in finishing it... we know how it ends irl. but for chanyeol and kyungsoo here. how does it end for them?
in writing that, i held onto just one thing. the premise of the fic fest: no happy ending. i knew from the start ofc, and i think that was the /appeal/ of this set-up and the fest's demand: that the no happy ending, the tragedy, the angst is the truth of this fic, as it is the truth of life. that this was the painful payoff of the victory of this specific and very real period of time. that this was also how it ended for the character in youth of may, the au parts of this fic and some of the characters are based on (the opening scene, for ex is lifted off the first ep of the drama)
there's so much more to unpack, but for now i think what i rly want to think about is fiction's imaginative power to always be inherently in the business of raising political consciousness in some shape or form. im very 😐 about stories having a moral lesson or whatever, but i do believe there is something to take away from this story: that this kind of bravery is never not for nothing. that being understood and seen is love itself, that love for your friends and for your nation is just as meaningful as your love for someone who makes your heart sing, that love persists. even then... i cldnt help but plagiarize the, grief is love with nowhere to go, because it really is. especially when its a grief that is so deeply rooted and collective: it stays with you.
this fic is about the gwangju uprisings, but it is also about the life of kyungsoo's character here. how he grew up, how he got to know himself better, how he fell in love. how he loved. how there could pretty much be very real people with very real history and pains and joys behind this kind of tragedy. and in the end, how those who loved them grieved for them. wc also leads to how those people, who aren't here anymore, will always be here with us. in the drift.
there is something so contradictory and beautiful about this kind of grief. this i hope in no way romanticizes something so real and tragic. but when pain and trauma is collective, which is the promise of being in a union or part of a movement grounded upon solidarity and shared belief, the weight of the hurt is also collective, is also shared. my pain is yours, as yours is mine. my grief, my loss... we carry it with each other. forever. and that is the mark of a true revolutionary.
this fic isn't perfect. it's actually kinda difficult to read, and not just bc of the length or the subject matter. i wish i had more time to work on it, to make each braiding of the many stories more graceful but working on it gave me such a hard time, like, writing-wise and just, emotionally lol. but im proud of getting it out there. im always so in awe of the space fan fiction offers fans and writers like myself to create something like this. i think out of all my fics, this one strikes the closest to my heart, and is also the closest to reality, despite the many layers that fan fiction, particularly kr rpf lends it.
this a/n was meant to be SHORT, damn i even meant to just post this on twitter hehe but as always, i have so much more to say. i guess to end, i'd like to offer a small, tiny, little moment of silence to all the lives lost in the pursuit for democracy in sokor, and in the same fights we have fought/are fighting here in my country; pinakamataas na pagpupugay sa inyong lahat.
in writing that, i held onto just one thing. the premise of the fic fest: no happy ending. i knew from the start ofc, and i think that was the /appeal/ of this set-up and the fest's demand: that the no happy ending, the tragedy, the angst is the truth of this fic, as it is the truth of life. that this was the painful payoff of the victory of this specific and very real period of time. that this was also how it ended for the character in youth of may, the au parts of this fic and some of the characters are based on (the opening scene, for ex is lifted off the first ep of the drama)
there's so much more to unpack, but for now i think what i rly want to think about is fiction's imaginative power to always be inherently in the business of raising political consciousness in some shape or form. im very 😐 about stories having a moral lesson or whatever, but i do believe there is something to take away from this story: that this kind of bravery is never not for nothing. that being understood and seen is love itself, that love for your friends and for your nation is just as meaningful as your love for someone who makes your heart sing, that love persists. even then... i cldnt help but plagiarize the, grief is love with nowhere to go, because it really is. especially when its a grief that is so deeply rooted and collective: it stays with you.
this fic is about the gwangju uprisings, but it is also about the life of kyungsoo's character here. how he grew up, how he got to know himself better, how he fell in love. how he loved. how there could pretty much be very real people with very real history and pains and joys behind this kind of tragedy. and in the end, how those who loved them grieved for them. wc also leads to how those people, who aren't here anymore, will always be here with us. in the drift.
there is something so contradictory and beautiful about this kind of grief. this i hope in no way romanticizes something so real and tragic. but when pain and trauma is collective, which is the promise of being in a union or part of a movement grounded upon solidarity and shared belief, the weight of the hurt is also collective, is also shared. my pain is yours, as yours is mine. my grief, my loss... we carry it with each other. forever. and that is the mark of a true revolutionary.
this fic isn't perfect. it's actually kinda difficult to read, and not just bc of the length or the subject matter. i wish i had more time to work on it, to make each braiding of the many stories more graceful but working on it gave me such a hard time, like, writing-wise and just, emotionally lol. but im proud of getting it out there. im always so in awe of the space fan fiction offers fans and writers like myself to create something like this. i think out of all my fics, this one strikes the closest to my heart, and is also the closest to reality, despite the many layers that fan fiction, particularly kr rpf lends it.
this a/n was meant to be SHORT, damn i even meant to just post this on twitter hehe but as always, i have so much more to say. i guess to end, i'd like to offer a small, tiny, little moment of silence to all the lives lost in the pursuit for democracy in sokor, and in the same fights we have fought/are fighting here in my country; pinakamataas na pagpupugay sa inyong lahat.